I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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