my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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