Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
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just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize