??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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