Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
