It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
If I die, sorry about rent.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
