believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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