I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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