clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
