I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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