Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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