also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
