he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
