last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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