I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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