I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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