Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
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