Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
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