guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
