Quick, to the slutcave!
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
