i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
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