i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
