I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
