Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
