i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
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It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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