I want to stick my p in your. b.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
