Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
