My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
