I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
