I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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