In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
