ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
