party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
