Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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