Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
