I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
