i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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