he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
