Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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