I'm eating all of the evidence.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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