apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
