If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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