Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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