This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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