at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
