I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
