we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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