Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
