he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
not ubering you a puppy
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
