You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
