She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
