Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
