Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
