Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
