She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
either way he was missing a nipple.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Randomize
