Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
