Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
