Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Randomize
