Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
