I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
