It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
