hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
