Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
