i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
