I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Randomize
